We Are the Enemy, Issue 4334

I’m told by Senator James Inhofe (who would be the single most despicable American alive if the competition wasn’t so stiff it’s impossible to name just one) that I am “rejoicing” over the alleged massacre in Haditha (the accusation is buried in this audio report from Tuesday’s All Things Considered). Fellow contestants for single most despicable American Rush Limbaugh and William Kristol make the same slurs.

They got me: As soon as I heard that American soldiers may have killed brown Iraqis in cold premeditated bloodlust I broke into my Happy Dance:

Good effing times. Nothing makes me happier than when America’s reputation as a truncheon-wielding superbully that tortures and massacres when and where it chooses while simultaneously viewing itself as the holiest of beneficent empires is further reified in the minds of every person on the planet except those contending to be the single most despicable American (it is a crowded competition admittedly).

And dead American soldiers? Me and Earthgirl Blackdogress do our happy mating dance every time new casualties are reported in media. What? Four more marines dead from a roadside bomb?

And good news? We hate it. A particularly nasty brown person is killed in what has to be the biggest propaganda victory in three years of war in Iraq, killed most likely by information leaked from his own organization to get the bastard out of the chain of command (he was monomaniacal and megalomaniacal, confusing his own political fortunes with the fate of the country and doing so recklessly and incompetently and doctrinairely - imagine). But dammit, we hate good news and do our angry dance.

Oy. There are two – two only – options here: Fucktards like Limbaugh and Coulter and Malkin either believe we honestly celebrate every time another disaster or atrocity or embarrassment or illegality or immorality is committed in The Decider!s name – in which case we’d have no time to anything but celebrate, daily, hourly – or, or…. No, there is no other option.

I’m telling you, I’ve been telling you, I’ll keep on telling you, we’re next. We’re the enemy. As soon as the brown un-Christers are subdued, we’re next, us Liberal pseudo-American un-Christers. Unless we’re first. That brown un-Christer subjugation ain’t going so good, now is it? One symbolic dead brown person notwithstanding. Must be the Liberals’ fault. All that gleeful dancing.

* * * Oh, note to Senator Imhofe, who said Tuesday in the debate on bigotry and marriage:

"As you see here, and I think this is maybe the most important prop we'll have during the entire debate, my wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I'm really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we've never had a divorce or any kind of homosexual relationship."

If he believes that he’s as stupid as he is evil, and he’s galaxy-wide evil. Hey, Asswipe, do you think the your gay sons and daughters and grandsons and granddaughters would tell you, you pig-ignorant bigot?